Some days I’m sorry I got on social media at all.
It’s not like I have a choice, really. I mean, that’s part of what I do – get online, observe the fcckery unfolding around me (while equipped with my metaphorical theater snacks) and then try to weave the digital dinosaur diarrhea pouring from all corners of the interwebz into a glittering, golden, ensemble. But today, from everyone’s favorite filtered photo app to Faceblog, there were enough shared wins to educe a chortle or two up and out from the recesses of my curmudgeonly gullet. And now, because I’ve got such a magnanimous nature (and because you’re so lucky to have found yourself at the feet of my oh-so-capable quill), I shall share them with you the only way I know how – with needless commentary:
1.) The lovely MsSatan’s post:
(Arguably worth Facebooking for alone)
2.) Rhianna’s omelet cape:
(Actually, she kinda looks like a Land o’ Lakes block heading to the altar as she bleeds a train of melted butter. I feel like a small child should be walking awkwardly behind her, while tossing popcorn left and right, flower girl style.)
3.) The fact that I saw this first thing when I woke up:
(Ya know, we pass these snaps off as “kids are innocent but they’re unintentionally acting like disgusting adults so it’s funny” photo ops. But, deep down, I feel like they know exactly what the eff they’re doing. Or maybe I’m just projecting. ‘cause I sure as shiz did as a MicroMissA.P.
4.) My roommate from college’s status update about the royals’ forthcoming fanny fruit:
(And, obviously, that ensuing thread where she realizes she got their names wrong, thereby beautifully – albeit inadvertently – reinforcing her point.)
5.) The sadness sammich that is this divine Vine compilation:
…which earned the sad-sammich label because (bread slice) I just happened upon it today, which was wonderful. But (morbid meaty filling) I only found it because the creator’s even more meme famous now that he got dead. And (end bread slice), Ryan Gosling made my number six for this list by doing a tribute so simple and mechanical – yet brilliant – that it puts even the likes of Wes Anderson to shame:
6.) Goslings’s cereal tribute:
(He didn’t even chew. Bet he spat it out. #I’mneversatisfied.)
So there you have it.
Six reasons I don’t hate interconnective technology today. What are you thankful to the cosmological gods who live in our laptops and pockets and link up strangers who’ll probably never see each other in the flesh for?