Or just twice-over-suicidal if you’re like this one masturbatory maniac.
Mr. Doug Adams, a randy patron of the friendly skies, found that the altitude wasn’t the only thing rising up during his cloudy trek from Boston to L.A. So, he did what you might imagine any man heading to the city of angels while donning a hospital bracelet might do: go for a little lower auto-release. In mid air. In front of everyone. And “furiously” so – as it was so fantastically described. But when Dougie’s single service friends halted his self-service prematurely, I suppose he thought he’d get his “little death” fix in a bigger way.
Like, by trying to jump out of the emergency exit door.
Anyone else getting images of compulsive knob jerker from S.O.A.?
Also willing to suffer bodily harm for playing pocket pool in public?
(‘least they left his thumbs)
The guy in that beloved biker T.V. show (a series gloriously infused with enough testosterone to make us all wanna touch ourselves, no matter what we’re packing in the basement), portrayed someone with a genuine medical problem. Much like the affable doctor who grabs boobs when he’s nervous in “Nurse Jackie”, the character in “Sons”, also has a sort of sexual tick that manifests in times of anxiety. And while “chronic” wank” is not accepted as an actual disorder – it is a symptom of a real underlying emotional disorder. People act out all sorts of ways. Some go for a cocktail. Some go for a cock whaling. And some are patient enough to land in California, where they’ll rectally remove one of the balloons from their anus in the bathroom and enjoy it in the quiescence of a nice piss scented stall.
Per NBC:
“He at that point was fidgeting and began to remove the plastic covering from the emergency exit door and tried to pull to open the door,” Slater [another passenger] said. “Fortunately there were a couple of Boston police officers on the flight that were there at that point to help as well.”
Gotta feel a bit bad for the guy, though. Especially since he was a bit sick – rocking that medical bracelet. My question is – did he escape from whatever hospital it was from? Or were his caretakers dumb enough to let him travel alone when he’d just been freed from the claws of Nurse Ratchet?
In what the authorities are aptly calling a “medical emergency”, this wanks-on-a-plane story doesn’t end with a Sammy Jackson one liner. Rather, it concludes like you might expect any in-flight entertainment comprising solo sexy time with a captive audience: by redirecting to somewhere like Omaha and interrupting the lives of vexed businessmen, terrorists, and drug mules aboard just trying to carry out their lives peacefully unperturbed by this pervert.
Pretty anticlimactic.
Just like Mr. Adams’ fap sesh.
#zing