I used to think how unrealistic it was of me to wish life was more like my favorite flicks. Well, obviously it is ridiculous, thematically speaking (seeings as Judd Apatow’s characters never end up having monsters come out of a well with Cousin It faces or their legs on backwards). Oh, and equally preposterous is the respectful dialogue aspect; people never wait for the other person finish saying a line.. Read More
Dare to Read, Dear
No, no, no. I’m not saying to kill your TV. Or that I’m a conspiracy theorist. This little art-POS I made today via MS Paint is simply an amalgamation of my ideas along with internet icons and popular images floating around. I don’t generally cling to icons of any kind (just admire from a safe distance); but whether or not you believe a flipped cross is satan’s doing, that your.. Read More
Catfish: My letter to Nev
Deeeear Nev, That is your name, right? You don’t say it enough – so I just want to make sure before I proceed… Anyway, I’m writing you because I’m totes in love with this chick I met online… but I have some apprehensions. You see, I can understand that she doesn’t like to video chat or whatever. Not everyone’s into that. I get it (and also I was willing to.. Read More
So… this exists
I have nothing to say other than: 1. Wicked witch of the West and the aliens from “Signs” can now respectively conquer Oz and Earth. 2. Dudes can stop freaking out about keeping their crispy white shoes or hats in top form. 3. Will this work on my walkway and parking space this winter? Or windshield for that matter? 4. Hosts can properly prepare electronics prior to interviews with Russell.. Read More
Tut-ojos (Spanglish for Eye Tutorial)
VIDEO TUTORIALS SUCK Want to know why most video makeup tutorials suck sphincter? Video chicks love four things: 1. To hear themselves talk. 2. To fish for comment compliments. 3. To flatter themselves. 4. To HEAR THEMSELVES TALK. Seriously?! A ten minute intro for something titled “Everyday Smokey Nude Eyeshadow Tutorial”..? Girl, you’ve got five subscribers, even fewer views, and the only comments are from spam bots or other losers.. Read More
Fashion Punchline: “Pursed” Lips
I get it. The trending Celine mini luggage bags are totes adorable (unintended pun; kept for fun). Still, I can’t get over the hovering punchline-by-design one of these would be on the shoulders or bent elbows of those who can’t really afford one on their net income, so they paid the other arm to get it. You: I don’t get it. Me: Oh, it’s nothing important… I just really, really,.. Read More
Masterpiece Mastication Massacre
One not-so-special day, after several years of no vacations and several days of no sunshine, I decided to bring both to myself via victuals… or at least attempt as much. Inspired by some Instagrammer’s cute fruit display, I thought, why not recreate that myself? And then sign my name in caramel sauce? And then destroy it with the hole my teeth live in? (No derpy comments if you’ve seen the.. Read More
Pipe the fkk down!
Inconsiderate ass-grabs. Who? Oh, just my neighbors. Since I moved in years ago, their foot stomping and kid shouting was consistent and annoying right away. I met the chick, though, and she seemed nice (a young grandmother) enough. She watches her grandchildren for her daughter, so I tried to have some sympathy for a woman managing a bunch of disobedient little shits kids. Before long, however, the domestic quarrels began… Read More
Carpe Diem versus Carping Daily
Once upon a time (last month) I was doing what I always do when I “don’t wanna” start my workout: looking on Instagram at the fit-spirational quotes and idioms that are supplemented with pretty pictures. This practice generally helps me get over my bratty-kid-brain part, reminds me that “want” is not an option, and auto ass kick myself into gear. However, that day, it sparked more in me than the.. Read More
Muse-inga!
It’s fun being right when you have one of those families whose members assume you’re wrong or don’t know what you’re talking about 90% of the time. So, on the way home with the girls from an overnighter, a song came on the radio, that sounded strikingly like U2 (except for the voice being a bit less masculine than Bono’s). Thus, the following two part debate initiated and was inadvertently.. Read More