Ever wonder how much money’s in those parking meters?
Thomas Rico, a public works inspector in New Jersey sure did – right before stealing $460,000 in quarters from a buncha them. Now, he’s facing about five years worth of probation for cuffin’ them coins. Really? That’s all? I mean I get that the fact that it was quarters sort of trivializes the story a bit. But, dude – that’s still half a mill that was taken and totally premeditated. The guy messed with the security cameras to circumvent being seen and subsequently spread money through various bank accounts to further ensure he’d not be found out. Now, he’s only get probation – and worse – he’s only having to repay part of what he stole?
Something bothers me about this and it’s not just that his in court mea culpa left much to be desired. I dunno. Mayhaps it’s the fact that I had a pal who did prison time for the same amount (that Rico’s only gonna be getting probation) after getting caught with a pinky fingernail amount of weed. Grass – where he was caught, at least – is a drug that’s no more legal to possess as, say, money that’s not yours. Difference is, my buddy’s bud wasn’t hurting anybody.
And now, as I dismount the soap box, I’d like to open the floor up to what we’d all do with half a mill in quarters. While I’d like to think that my own attempts at theft would be a bit more Tom Cruise 007 style efficient, climaxing in me laying on cash piles like a Breaking Bad character, I can think of at least a few things I could do with that many coins:
1. Put a bunch around a Laundromat (but actually superglue them to the counters and machines so no one can use them.)
2. Make a zombie zen garden in my lake by putting them in socks and then tying them to the feet of the aqueous dwelling undead.
3. Bake them into cupcakes, then point and laugh when someone eats them.
4. Fly above town in a chopper and make people think it’s raining money.
And, obviously…
5. Fulfilling a childhood dream:
