I made that bish a princess. Bishes love being a princess.

When my niece was born, my brother was so enamored he’d literally do anything for her. Pony? Yes. Unicorn shitting a stream of rainbows? Why not. Devise detailed plan to shrink the moon and steal it from the heavens? Absolutely. Unfortunately, my father-of-the-year brother may have some stiff competition, though. And from a fellow Virginian, no less. Jeriamiah Heaton’s 7-year-old daughter Emily said she wanted to be a princess –.. Read More

Dark Disney: The original stories

I always knew Disney snuck sex stuff in movies, Tyler Durden style. But I never quite realized just how dark the original tales were. Most of the timeless classics I watched on heavy rotation as a tot were wrought out of medieval fantasy folklore. Sure they taught me that to have a happy ending you need magic, a prince, and to change everything about yourself. But, then again, so did.. Read More

Princess Inimical

“I always thought Barbie was a slut” – my mom. “I didn’t! I totally loved Barbie!” -me The truth is, I’m lying. I knew something was up with Barbie’s overt sexuality – that no women I’d seen or met looked like her – but I didn’t know what a slut was. I wrote a thing a year or two ago about how Ariel and Pretty Woman were released dangerously close.. Read More