Everyone remember that scene from Big Daddy?

The I-know-that-feel moment when they just miss the breakfast menu at the golden arched dinery? And can’t get their McMorning meal? And it makes everyone think “Yeah – how stupid! Why can’t we have hashbrowns and eggs all day?” Though I steer clear of the place now, I remember thinking the same when I was little and my mom would drag me off to appointments or whatever – and after surviving the dimly lit fluorescent torture of Fort Belvoir or Walter Reed, all I wanted was a well rounded breakfast of greasy sammich with fluffy golden and white chicken periods tucked into it. And we’d miss it. Every time.

Now, suddenly, McDonald’s will be doing breakfast all damned day.

They’ve also, suddenly, allowed bike-through access in Denmark.

(Are we catching the sarcasm yet?)

Sidenote: I’d say “why can’t we do the bike-thru here?” But I know the answer.

As an American, I can confirm it’d turn into this instead r’l quick:

Anyway, so why are they doing this? And what’s next?

Aside from these burger tights?

(I don’t wanna see anyone whose main staple is happy meals rocking anything that form fitting).

Are they gonna go ahead and make that secret sauce (that costs somewhere in the thousands and yes, that’s plural) affordable for anyone who’s not born into one percentery too? (Wait, do rich people eat plebian food?) The answer should be obvious, really. In light of a little nutritional education finally coming to the masses who sit slack jawed reading the way their fast food’s made – or stand in the aisles of the local Food Lion looking at canned and plastic wrapped sodium, fat, and sugar wondering what life is even anymore, many are finally becoming aware. So much so that they’re also finally willing to rock a few lifestyle changes. Starting with their eating habits. And that means McD’s has been losing money big time. In fact, I’ve seen more than a few celebratory posts from my health nut buddies about it on social media in the past month or two alone.

But the fast food version of the antagonist from “It” won’t go down sans a battle.

Which is why they’re willing to take desperate measures. Even giving into a day-long breakfast option.

Naw, man. It’s too late.

Your loyal, albeit obese, subjects have begged for it for years before now. And you never delivered. And actually, that – “deliver” – gives me a thought. I wouldn’t be surprised (provided that they continue to lose money like this) if their next desperation measure will indeed be a delivery option. Shit, I bet they wouldn’t need to. Just roll through the neighborhood, ice cream truck style – throwing adipose globs at the fat children (who’ve finally come outside to do exercise) like singles at a stripper. It’s funny, too because when I read how poorly McD’s was doing, I remember something about a CEO saying they were going to respond by adding in healthier options and “all natural ingredients”. I almost spat out the actual natural ingredients I’d been eating through all the breathing holes I own when I read that load of colonic content. That they pull this shiz instead just confirms my reaction was accurate.

So, don’t give in, my brave brethren who’ve just managed to kick your pink sludge habit.

No matter how much they sweeten the option pot, it’s still just toxicity to go.

They’re just showing how desperate they are, like a crying tantrum-having child.

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Don’t be like Adam Sandler and give ‘em what they want.