“Ah, you’re taking a break from work?” I looked up through a visor of my own splayed fingers to see the source of the familiar inquiring voice with the rhetorical question. It was the maintenance dude who works at my apartment – just finishing up his shift. I paused for a moment. “Yes!” I lied enthusiastically. I was on a park bench, in the middle of summer, dog in tow,.. Read More
Will whorey makeup make me more dateable?
Reluctantly did I watch this thing today: Kinda obvi: Dress like a whore, get treated like a whore, die alone like a whore. But there’s more than meets the eyeliner here – because this is one of those things where as a chick, you have to meet your makeup halfway and consider the medium you’re using. First of all, people forget that who you are IRL is not who (or.. Read More
Naps for memory lapse
Are you suffering from sleep deprivation? Groggy? Not alert? Forgetting shiz? Slowly losing grip of reality? Nope. You can’t be trusted. Such is Science Christ’s new commandment, at least. A U.C. Irvine recently got a bunch of kids – half who’d surfed a healthy delta-wave sea the night before and half a little more worse for wear – and had them watch a video of a man stealing a wallet… Read More
Data usage: just another reason I hate my phone
About ten months ago, I quit painkillers for my back – and replaced them with yoga. I quit benzos for my social anxiety – and replaced them with jedi-mind tricks. But I had no idea that my long standing addiction to Apple would be as expensive as my literal other-fruit addictions are every week at Wegman’s. That is – not until I started getting those annoying little messages about using.. Read More
The party doesn’t start till I get home
So you want me to come to a party? For those of you who move past the stock excuses and decide to go out long enough to take snappies to convince yourself later you had an awesome time, there’s at least one excuse you have to come up with eventually: how to leave without anyone getting annoyed or butthurt. Ya know, I forget all that proper social etiquette because I.. Read More
Spidey’s vexed episode seems less Marvel-ous and more Rage
Once when I was a waitress, a table left me a fifteen cent tip. It seemed like a horribly sarcastic thing to do, but I would have never thought to punch anyone in the face over it. Plus I was a really shitty server and accidentally forgot them for half the night (oops). But, apparently, punching people in the face over bad tips is exactly what other people in similar.. Read More
Are canines covetous? Or just playing along?
Your dog’s got envy issues. Don’t feel badly – so does mine, says science. It’s not necessarily the four-legged-third-wheel syndrome you see when you start dating someone. And it’s not always even jealousy of other f’real dogs, either – it’s just envy about us directing any of our ardent attention enthusiastically onto something… that’s not them. Even treating inanimate objects like other dogs is grounds for a green-eyed canine. Such.. Read More
Orchard Sorcery: Farmer Artist Builds 40 Fruited Tree
Art is nice, but let’s face it: a lot of times, it’s overrated. So some super famous dude painted something that I also could have done. So what? Can I eat it or use it as a weapon it after the asteroid hits earth and basic life needs are all that matters? Probably not. I enjoy a good gallery exhibit, performance piece, or random installment as much as the next.. Read More
Sell-out hippies won’t let me in their festival of awesomery.
Anyone here ever been to a hippie festival? This video popped up on my Youtube sidebar recently with the title “Boom Festival”. I watched it (the thumbnail image of people having fun while half naked is always excellent clickbait) as I downed a bit of delicious homemade soup, and marveled at how awesome it seemed. People hop on their bikes and come from all over for this event of camping.. Read More
Can a Facebook quiz define you?
In the name of “research” I took a couple quizzes on Facebook. Definitely not because I was bored or distracted. Definitely for research. Definitely. On the first one, I had to stop halfway through. And by “halfway through”, I mean at the first question. The “how much of a good person are you?” quiz was particularly unfulfilling with its objective options. You can’t ask me “would I take a handicapped.. Read More